I often find myself aching for the way it feels to crinkle my toes in the sand, digging away the worries of the world. The way the sun shines in my window through the white, translucent curtains touching my face with the warmth that reminds me of hazelnut coffee on the tip of my tongue. Carved pumpkins, handwritten thank-you notes, flowers on the kitchen cabinet…you know, those little things that give you all the warm and fuzzy feelings; those are the things that make for some pretty dang GOOD days. Other days, I feel the need to bury my head so far under the covers and hide all the light. Those are the days where the phone doesn’t ring, the coffee creamer is expired, and your soul feels as empty as the gas tank of your car. These are the bad days.
I present you with these two seeming starkly different days for a reason. While I have both of these types of days quite frequently, they aren’t quite as different as they may seem. The girl who seems like she can conquer the world when her favorite song comes on Spotify is the same girl that cancels her dinner plans and stays home to eat icecream and doritos because she just cannot seem to keep a smile on her face. Just because she has bad days doesn’t mean she’s incapable or incompetent or unworthy of any of the truly GOOD things. Sometimes it is easy to get wrapped up in the self-pity of a bad day and miss out on some of the truly GOOD things.
I’m writing this to tell you not to cancel your dinner plans because you don’t feel like smiling. Those are the days we need a community the most. Chances are whoever you were supposed to meet with loves you, is invested in your success, and SURPRISE: she has bad days too. Show up, be yourself, and be honest. Share the struggles because it makes the successes even more fun.
Next time you feel so down that it’s hard to breathe, remember the sunshine peeking through the translucent curtains. Remember that the dips are only there to make the peaks feel higher. On the days where you hide from the light, peek out of the covers for just long enough to see that it is still shining in. On the doritos for dinner nights and the planner so full you want to scream days, dream of the Saturdays at farmer’s markets and hazelnut coffee on the tip of your tongue. It’s easy to own the feelings that make your dimples visible. It’s easy to own the playlists that make your heart beat out of your chest and make you scream the lyrics at the top of your lungs. However, there’s something to be said for owning the bad days. While it might not be as easy, owning the bad days makes you yearn for, appreciate more, and bask in the light of the good days. Own the bad days for the sake of personal growth.
P.S- Just because you’re hiding from the light doesn’t mean it isn’t there.